no one understands my unhappiness the way i do. this is so raw. fucking stings. i hate fucking circumstance and i don’t understand why the cards always say the same thing. i hate that i’m so open about my life. i hate that i’m not interesting or intriguing or complicated. i hate that the reason i let people in is because i want to provide something for other people because i don’t think people would like me unless they felt they needed me. i don’t think i’ve ever felt unhappy in this raw of a way.
usually i’m always trying to understand why things are the way they are and why they affect me the way they do, but being unhappy after you’ve come to terms with everything is just flesh. it hurts so differently. god fuck. wishing things were different doesn’t change how things are and at this point i can’t even say i don’t understand. i understand fucking all of it.
i’m way more confident and ok with myself than most people think. in fact my issue is generally why i feel like i’m the only person who likes myself as much as i do. this is why i always say all i have is myself. i love that i love myself and i love that i appreciate myself but i need to find people that feel as strongly about me as i do. i need to leave and i desperately i need to stop sharing. i need to stop being so desperate for closeness. fuck it all.
also, how weird how much people think they know me. weeeeeird
03
January
